Tiger, Parenting and Some Thoughts
I started watching the HBO documentary - Tiger. I completed the first part of the documentary.
It is about Tiger Woods and how his parents wanted him to succeed and put him on a path of becoming a great golfer. I feel truly sorry for the kid, Tiger. To be deprived so much of childhood, to follow his dad’s dream, right from 2. Swinging the club, visiting TV shows and repeatedly being thrust with golf. I really pity Tiger.
But then, if I peel back on why Earl Woods, Tiger’s father, was such a parent, it was interesting to me. He is a Vietnam War veteran. His mother looks like a typical Asian-Tiger-mom with no second thoughts about spanking or punishing the kid. I am not judging their parents because I can fully see them and my friends’ parents in them.
I still need to complete the documentary. So, I don’t know what other repressed emotions Tiger had, its outburst and the aftermath. But I guess their parents behaved like that because of the time they grew up in society. I have understood what a wasted cause the Vietnam War was and the kind of trauma that Earl Woods might have gotten from the war. His mom is from Thailand, and she is like any South Asian immigrant to the U.S. There is a question of identity and a scarcity mindset that always pushes you and says you are not enough. You need to achieve this. You cannot settle down on your laurels. You have to be careful with complacency. Your job is under threat and could be given to another immigrant ready to work for lower wages — blah blah.
I am not here to justify the parenting style of Tiger’s mom and dad. But I can relate to it as a South Asian driven and motivated by fear and anxiety to be not worthless and not become irrelevant and perish.
Maybe the South Asian mindset is a general term. I am painting in broad strokes. Is it because we were colonised and brutalised by Western countries for more than two centuries or so? Is it that historical legacy that we need to good? Is it that the feudal-casteist mentality in our society puts us on the treadmill of getting validation from an authority figure? In school, it is the teacher; in the family, the elder; and in the job, it is the boss and so on.
My parents have this thinking style, which they are not even aware of. It is ingrained in them. They still battle and struggle with that. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about them. I am privileged now to pay and write in a blog and have many passions to pursue. If not for my parents’ style, I would have been in a different place in society, struggling to make ends meet.
I am grateful to understand my emotions and realise where they can stem from. I am also keenly aware of my parents’ environment and their struggles. But what is the point of talking endlessly about this? Am I bad-mouthing them in public? Maybe or maybe not. The more I am aware of this, and the more I speak about this to my family and friends, I feel better. My son and his generation will understand this and live with fewer shackles. I don’t know what other blind spots I have in my parenting style my son will uncover when he grows up. I will be elated if he finds my problems and thinks about my parenting style. But that is beyond my control.
The best parenting tip I have realised recently is “be the best person for yourself”. Parents are the most significant intrinsic influence a kid has. Like it or not, whatever qualities we have will get amplified and inherited by the kids. So, I need to double down on being more vulnerable, be my authentic self, and live with ease. That might be the best gift I can give to my son.